There! Right There!
by Willowfur and Piper
Summary: Squirrelpaw comes over to the Sun Drown Travellers with a "important" question. Now everyone MUST know the answer! Oneshot. Crack fic. WARNING: May be a little offensive and will proabably make no sense. Proceed with caution.


**Willowfur: Ok, so I'm bored out of my mind. Might as well write some crack fics. Fun right?**

**Question: Is Firestar gay or European? The Sun Drown travelers must know the answer!**

**See? Crack. **

**Firestar: I really can't believe you.**

**Willowfur: To bad.**

**Brambleclaw: Willowfur doesn't own Warriors. **

**Crowfeather: Shouldn't you tell the public the cast? And why am I an apprentice again?**

**Squirrelflight: I am too. Get over it.**

**Willowfur: Shut up. I was getting to the cast.**

**Ellie- Squirrelpaw  
>Callahan- Crowpaw<br>Emmet- Brambleclaw  
>Warner- Stormfur<br>Vivian-Tawnypelt  
>Enid- Feathertail<br>Brooke- Sandstorm  
>Judge- Spottedleaf (Has come back to life temporarily)<strong>  
><strong>Mikos Argitacos- Firestar<br>Carlos- Graystripe**

**Now on with the show!**

* * *

><p>Squirrelpaw hurridly ran over to the sun drown travelers, with excited news. Well, more like an exciting question. A question she MUST know the answer to. And she will find out the answer, wither or not the others help or not.<p>

Leafpaw looked at her sister funny as she zoomed across the temporary camp, while not remembering why Crowpaw, Tawnypelt, and Stormfur were even doing there. And wasn't Feathertail dead? She shrugged to herself and went about her business.

"Guys, guys!" Squirrelpaw said excitedly. "Guess what!"

"What?" Sandstorm said.

"I just, literally, JUST did the "bend-n-snap" move in front of Firestar and I got NOTHING! No reaction at all!" she said.

"Hello all," Brambleclaw said, coming over.

"Hello Brambleclaw," Tawnypelt said, greeting her brother.

"What are we talking about?"

"Well, Squirrelpaw claims she has something important to say," Crowpaw said.

"She always has something "important" to say," Brambleclaw growled.

"This is important!" Squirrelpaw said. "I just did the bend-n-snap move to Firestar, and I got no reaction."

"So…?" Stormfur said.

"I have come to believe that Firestar is gay!" she announced excitedly.

They all stared at her.

"Well it makes sense," Squirrelpaw insisted.

"If you're wrong…" Crowpaw said, shivering if they went to Firestar and they were wrong about it.

"There! Right There!" Squirrelpaw started, some of the cats in camp looked up. "Look at that tan, that tinted skin, Look at the killer shape he's in. Look at that slightly stubbly chin. Oh Please he's gay, totally gay!"

Crowpaw stared. "I'm not about to celebrate, any trait could indicate, the totally straight expatriate.  
>This guy's not gay, I say, not gay."<p>

"That is the elephant in the room, Well is it relevant to assume that a man who wears perfume is automatically radically fey?" they all chanted.

"But look at his coiffed and crispy locks," Brambleclaw pointed out.

"Look at his so translucent socks," Squirrelpaw said.

"There's the eternal paradox. Look what we're seeing," Crowpaw said.

"What are we seeing?" Squirrelpaw asked enthusiastically.

"Is he gay?" Crowpaw said.

"Of course he's gay!" Squirrelpaw shouted.

"Or European?" Crowpaw finished.

"Ohhhh," everyone said, not thinking of that. "Gay or European? It's hard to guarantee. Is he gay or European?"

"Well eh, don't look at me," Stormfur said when everyone looked at him, seemingly looking for an answer.

"You see they bring their boys up different in those charming foreign ports. They play peculiar sports." Tawnypelt intervened.

"In shiny shirts and tiny shorts." Everyone finished for her. Gay or foreign fella? The answer could take will say things like "ciao bella" while they kiss you on both cheeks."

"Oh please," Squirrelpaw said rolling her eyes.

"Gay or European? So many shades of gray." They all ignored her and continued.

"Depending in the time of day the French go either way," Stormfur sang. He then got hit in the shoulder by Tawnypelt.

"Is he gay or European?" they all sang.

"There! Right there!" Feathertail practically yelled. "Look at that condescending smirk. Seen it on every guy at work. That is a metro hetero jerk. That guy's not gay, I say no way!"

All was silent until the cats started up again. By now, they had attracted most attention in the camp.

"That is the elephant in the room. Well is it relevant to presume that a hottie in that costume..." The group continued, ignoring the confused and funny looks they got.

"Is automatically-radically," Squirrelpaw said as she leaned over to get a closer look as Firestar licked and comforted Dustpelt, apparently another kit was lost.

"Ironically chronically," Crowpaw said, joining Squirrelpaw as she leaned in, the other followed.

"Certainly pertin'tly," Tawnypelt sang.

"Genetically medically," Stormfur sang.

"GAY! OFFICIALLY GAY! OFFICIALLY GAY GAY GAY GAY," They all chanted/sang. Whatever you want to call it.

Firestar then leaned over to Cinderpelt and kissed her paw.

"DAMNIT!" They all hissed. "Gay or European?"

"So stylish and relaxed." Crowpaw noted as he sang.

"Is he gay or European?" They all said.

"I think his chest is waxed." Crowpaw said, trying to get a closer look.

"But they bring their boys up different there. It's culturally diverse. It's not a fashion curse." Tawnypelt sang, pointing out everything, being as smart as she was.

Then the group felt to need to finish for her again "If he wears a kilt or bears a purse. Gay or just exotic? I still can't crack the code."

"Yet his accent is hypnotic but his shoes are pointy toed." Sandstorm sang pointing to Firestar's feet.

"Huh," They all said. "Gay or European? So many shades of gray."

"But if he turns out straight I'm free at eight on Saturday." Spottedleaf said, randomly appearing then disappearing as her part ended.

"Is he gay or European? Gay or european? Gay or Euro-" They sang until they were cut off but a voice.

"Wait a minute! Give me a chance to crack this guys. I have an idea I'd like to try." Brambleclaw said. All attention was focused on him.

"The floor is yours," Crowpaw said, motioning to the open space between them and Firestar, who hadn't made a single comment yet.

"So Mr. Firestar... This alleged affair with Ms. Sandstorm has been going on for...?" Brambleclaw inquired.

"2 years," Firestar answered calmly.

"And your first name again is...?" Brambleclaw continued.

"Rusty," Firestar said, unsure of how to answer.

"And your boyfriends name is…?" Brambleclaw finished.

"Graystripe," he answered before he thought about what he was answering.

Everyone gasped loudly.

"I'm sorry! I misunderstand. You say boyfriend. I thought you say best friend. Graystripe is my best friend." Firestar said, trying to regain his composure.

"You bastard!" a voice said from the crowd of listening cats. Everyone turned to look at the gray tom. "You lying bastard!" he continued. "That's it. I no cover for you, no more!" Graystripe turned to the crowd, particularly the cats who asked the question in the first place. "Peoples. I have a big announcement." All ears were turned listening. "This man is Gay and European!"

"Woah!" The travelers yowled.

"You've got to stop your being a completely closet case." Graystripe continued.

"Oh," They all said.

"No matter what he say. I swear he never ever ever swing the other way." Graystrpie said, his eyes narrowing on a guilty looking Firestar."You are so gay. You big parfait! You flaming boy band cabaret."

"I'm straight!" Firestar insisted.

"You were not yesterday," Graystripe hissed. "So if I may, I'm proud to say, He's gay!"

"And European"

"He's gay!"

"And European and gay!" Everyone sang.

"Fine! Ok, I'm gay!" Firestar shouted.

"Hooray!" The whole camp shouted.

Then it fell silent.

"Ok, Squirrelpaw, you were right," Bramblelcaw said.

* * *

><p><strong>THE END!<strong>

**Yup, gotta love boredom right!**

**Firestar: I hate you!**

**Willowfur: Love you too!**

**Tigerstar: I like this one!**

**Willowfur: Tigerstar shut up! I love Warriors as much as anyone else but I could not resist for some stupid reason. **

**Now, Willowfur over and out.**

**NOTE: Anyone who says I'm breaking the rules need to shut up. I do not care and if you really care that much, go after other people about it. Otherwise shut up. From now on saying I'm breaking the rules will be considered flames and are to be ignored. **


End file.
